Monday, March 31, 2008

I'm Gettin' the Band Back Together & a Monday Meme!

These are the words my husband spoke several weeks ago. Are you excited for me? How cool is this? Well. Sit back down. It isn't quite what you think. First, let me tell you what prompted this exclamation.

His hair. Yeah. His hair. You see, T maintains a rather low profile, not-quite-a-yuppy, standard issue men's haircut. He doesn't highlight his tips, punk out the top, or use any hair product at all as a matter of fact. So, just what is he doing? He's growing it out. Nearly a month in and he is now sporting a few different looks:

The HOFF
(when he puffs it out--he thinks it looks "so cool")
or a slightly shorter version of this
The Cassidy
(minus the shiny blue skintight pants)
Oh, and then sometimes he does this:
The Fonz

I think he thinks I am embarrassed by his new look. He would take great pride in that. Nope. After nearly 12 years of marriage, he just gives me something else to laugh about.

However.

He has developed the most annoying habit of combing his hair. First, he does it all the time. He doesn't do it because he cares about how he looks (I swear, he really doesn't--I kinda like that about him--a humble fella). He does it because it annoys me to no end. You see, he combs his hair the way other people mow their lawn. I can still see the comb lines. And worse yet, he'll do it over and over and over and over again. I've taken to hiding his wide-tooth combs. But, it is to no avail as he has just purchased a pack of 12.

So, back to the whole band thing.

I asked him why he decided to grow out his hair. "Dude," he replied rather smugly while combing his hair, "I'm getting the band back together." The band?

Well, if he is referring to his high school marching band where he played the trombone while marching on soggy fields during half time, well then, all the power to ya. Dream away . . .

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Woo hoo! I have been tagged by Karen (AKA JakeandEllie'sMom) at I Invented Motherhood to do a book meme - she knew that as an English teacher I MUST be reading something. Try SIX somethings (and gettin' nowhere fast--my ADD is kicking in). I'm reading a book about how to help you child sleep better, a book about changing your thoughts and changing your life (by Dr. Wayne Dyer--I'm nowhere with that book, a personal finance book by Jean Chatzky (it was from the library and I found a dollar in it! I kid you not!), the memoir Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster, Eat This, Not That (very cool--lots of pictures), and an investing book.

Many of you have done this before, so this is nothing new--here are the rules:

  • Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.

  • Open the book to page 123.

  • Find the 5th sentence.

  • Post the next 3 sentences.

  • Tag 5 people.
Page 123 of Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life, the fifth sentence and next three (or so) are:
"You will know that circumstances don't determine your state of mind, for that power rests with you. When you maintain a peaceful inner posture, even in the midst of chaos, you change your life. The wisdom of this verse of the Tao Te Ching prompts you to know that you have a choice. Do you want to be in a state of confusion or to have tranquil inner landscape? It's up to you!"

*Hmmm...may need to read more.

Have you done this one yet? If not, consider yourself tagged!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Bloginsomnia

For the last few nights I have been up with something I call bloginsomnia. Heard of it? I'll bet some of you know exactly what this is. You may have found yourself afflicted with it just as I have. I am thinking I, like many of you, am in need of some sort of blog break. Or at least a blog reality check.

I make promises to myself to be reasonable about posting and commenting on blogs. I tell myself to take it easy hop on the treadmill. Use my time wisely do the laundry. Don't overdo it clean the kitchen. Find balance and shave my legs. But, I get lost in the blogosphere and munch on junk while blog hopping and commenting. One hour turns into two. Two turns into three and so on. I look forward to visiting blogs. I get EXCITED about it. Every day I find someone I have something in common with. Or, I find blogs that are intellectually stimulating, that make me laugh, or that teach me something new. Too bad there isn't a blog to teach me how to get my laundry folded while doing the dishes and shaving my legs and changing J's diapers and vacuuming the living room and calling my mother and making dinner . . . all at the same time.

I have several blogs in my reader (my blog roll is in desperate need of an update). The list keeps growing. And growing. And my time to visit each and every one keeps shrinking and shrinking. I feel like a little girl with all her dolls lined up and I am being forced to choose my favorites. Well, how can I do that? This one has long pretty blond hair. This one has really cool outfits. This one has a dream house. This one drives a Corvette. This one is dating Ken. This one has a puppy . . .

Currently, I just comment whenever and wherever I want. Sometimes I am the first commenter. The last commenter. I comment on old posts and even super old posts. I just like commenting. I comment with NO expectations just that you hopefully read the comment. You don't have to reply. You don't have to comment on my blog unless you want to. I have a number of blogs I visit, but there are some that I make an extra effort to visit on a regular basis because I have come to know and love their blogs over time. My overall goal is to keep blogging a fun and stimulating outlet, NOT to make it a job.

I am going to reflect over the next couple of days about this little dilemma. How can I balance posting, commenting, and, well, life? I'm determined to figure it out.

Do you visit blogs every day? Do you have specific blogs you make sure to visit all the time? Do you use a reader? What is your commenting philosophy? Posting philosophy? How do you balance it all? Feel free to share what worked for you. I can only imagine I am not the only one who struggles with this.

So, give it to me. How do you do it?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Thursday Thirteen: A Lazy Chick's "Diet"



There is a lot of talk about dieting, getting in shape, squeezing fitting into that bikini for the summer (bikini--so, so funny), and that abandoned treadmill. This got me to thinking about my own battle with weight. Whether it be 5 lbs, 25 lbs, 50 lbs, or 100+ lbs, losing it can be a struggle. And let's not even talk about all the diet plans and fitness routines that are being touted in the media, by Aunt Sue, and by our next door neighbor . . . everyone has ideas, tips, strategies . . . even me! This week I am dedicating my Thursday Thirteen to some tried and true tips that have helped me in the past--NOT a diet, just some strategies that helped me shed some extra pounds and feel better without punishing myself (or the treadmill).

Now, before I move on to the list let me quickly tell you my story . . . (did I lose you, yet?). About five years ago I was in denial that I had gained over 25 lbs. How? I got married. I got busy. I got lazy. But, being in denial I went to the doctor to see why I was feeling blue, tired, lethargic, my hair was dull and thinning, my skin looked horrible (I sound awfully attractive, don't I?) . . . you name it. I was ICK. I knew part of it could be attributed to the PCOS, but that didn't explain everything. I started unzipping my pants and tucking back the button. I started wearing larger and larger sizes. My wedding ring became stuck on my finger (I just figured I was swollen--water retention). The clues were all there--including the ever increasing number popping up on the scale.

The doctor wanted to put me on some meds to combat some of the symptoms. I decided that before I went the medicinal route I was going to try to tackle this with my diet. Why did I decide this if I was still in denial about the weight gain? Simple. I knew I wasn't eating all that well--I'm not that naive (and I have a biology minor and a background as a personal trainer--clearly not using either at the time!). I knew that a lot of the foods I was eating could very well be impacting my moods, skin, hair . . . so, why not? Plus, I finally realized that ALL the scales in the doctors' offices I had been on could not be wrong. (Though I did think for awhile there was a scale conspiracy.) What did I have to lose? After reading/skimming a bunch of diet/nutrition/fitness books for ideas, I started to formulate an easy, lazy chicks plan to eat healthier, lose weight, and feel better. I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all plan. I educated myself, took the best ideas for me, and put it all together. My overall philosophy is MODERATION. I don't really eliminate anything . . . why deprive yourself? Life is way too short. What I did may or may not work for you--but consider the tips as more weapons in your get healthy arsenal . . .

Without further adieu, I give you some of my top 13 tips/strategies:

1. I love cake. Can't live without it. Well, eat it! But, instead of adding the eggs and oil to your favorite cake mix, add a cup of pumpkin and a cup of water. Bake according to the directions on the box. Top with whipped cream and viola--YUMMY!!! AND, you save nearly 100 calories per serving!

2. I hate salad. I mean, I don't hate hate it. I just hate making it and hate the fact that it sits in the fridge for way too long . . . so, instead of salad, I am big into veggie marinades. Take celery, carrots, olives, red and green peppers, green onions, and any other veggie you like (I avoid cucumber and tomato unless you'll eat it all within a day or so). Mix it with olive oil/vinegar and some Italian seasoning and put in the fridge for a few hours. Super low fat, low calories, and satisfying.

3. Take the above recipe, cut the veggies into even smaller pieces, heat it up (stir fry is best), wrap in a tortilla shell (careful, these can have lots of calories) or lettuce. Add a little mozzarella (lower in fat, melts nicely, and tastes yummy).

4. I have a major sweet tooth. Some of my not-so-guilty pleasures: Dark chocolate, Jello squares, Nilla wafers topped with a banana and whipped cream, apples and peanut butter, yogurt (Activia and Yoplait for digestive health are my favorites).

5. I am a carb addict. I mean, who isn't. Warm, buttered, white bread . . . oh my. I opted for a 100% whole wheat variety when I could. However, when wheat would just NOT do it for me, I bought a bakery loaf of white bread and cut it in really thin slices. I got my white bread love without the extra calories (and I barely noticed the difference).

6. Warm liquids. I don't know what it was, but a cup of tea or coffee when my appetite was raging was enough to calm it down.

7. EGGS!!! I love eggs. You can buy Egg Beaters or just nix the yolk. Use olive oil instead of butter. Add veggies, a little cheese, some garlic salt and viola! I would eat eggs for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Protein=appetite suppression . . .

8. Stir fry city. I loved stir frying. Broccoli, mushrooms, onions, peppers. Throw in some water chestnuts, pineapple, nuts, edamame (soy beans). Meat eater--chicken, lean beef chunks. Some seasoning and/or Teriyaki sauce and you are good to go. Serve over brown rice or noodles--or not!

9. I'm a snacker. I sometimes just need something. Anything. Quaker Rice Cakes, unbuttered popcorn, pita chips (cut up a pita, spritz with olive oil, sprinkle with either garlic salt or cinnamon/sugar-Splenda and bake), string cheese, trail mix (make your own--peanuts, walnuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, raisins, dark chocolate chips, whole grain Cheerios or similar cereal).

10. Other yummy desserts--make Rice Krispy treats without the Rice Krispies--use Fiber One or Kashi Go Lean cereal instead. Or, use 1 box of above cereals with 1 12 oz bag of chocolate chips. My sis-in-law refers to these as Poo Poo cookies. :) Click on the picture for more Fiber One recipes.

11. EZ Strategies that don't take a lot of work . . . I eat on a smaller plate. I try to eat my heaviest meal at lunch. I attempt to have all my eating done at least 3 hours before bed. I ask for a take-out box when my food comes at restaurants. I eat half at the restaurant and save the other for tomorrow's lunch. I FORK my salad dressing. Instead of having them pour it over, I order it on the side. I dip my fork in it and then load the salad on. Grab some snack size baggies and make your own 100 calories pack snacks of your favorite foods--a heck of a lot cheaper than buying them prepackaged--or try this idea! I opt for water with meals (I don't bother drinking a big glass before I eat with hopes it will curb my appetite--that just makes me have to go pee . . . ). I chew gum. I munch on nuts before a meal--especially going out to eat. I wear a belt when I go out to eat--not kidding. It makes unzipping and tucking my buttons back a lot harder.

12. Just move . . . even a little. You all know that my treadmill and me are not the best of friends. I mean, we like each other, we just don't like spending all that much time together--even though we know it would be good for out relationship. I love being in shape and feeling fit. I just don't always have the time and willpower to work out every day. So, what I do is SOMETHING every day. I make it a point to MOVE. In the am I wake up and right away do some crunches, modified push ups, mini squats, stretches. I do the same in the evening (just at a slower, more relaxing pace). I don't spend hours doing this--maybe 10-15 minutes max. You may ask, "What good will that do?" Well, it is more than doing nothing, right? Plus, it gets the blood pumping, muscles moving, and metabolism primed. There was a while when this was all I had time to do (teaching schedule was really hectic and my treadmill and I had a major falling out). My body may not have looked like anything you'd see in a magazine, but it remained fairly toned. I didn't put on any weight even though I had all but abandoned a regular work-out routine.

13. Finally . . . I can't stress this enough. Keep a food and activity journal. Use a little notebook, start another blog. I didn't keep up with one forever, though it would have been a good idea. But, the time that I did do it helped me understand my eating habits. For me it was valuable information to see that I was having issues with sugary foods and with portion sizes. I also realized that I was spending way too much time in front of the TV and computer. Also, keeping a journal makes you accountable. And, it might be the very thing that keeps you front eating certain foods. You'll ask yourself, "Ugh. Do I really want to get up, fetch my journal, and write about eating that Krispy Creme? Nope. Too lazy." Click on the picture for an article from Real Simple on how to keep a food journal. Want FREE online food journal? Try FitDay!

What was the outcome of my Lazy Chick's plan to get healthy? My skin started clearing up--it looked a lot brighter. My hair started falling out at a slower rate and eventually returned to its normal thickness. I lost a decent amount of weight. Although the actual weight loss per the scale was slow, the changes in my body were evident week after week. Clothes fit better. Areas were firmer. My belly fat didn't flop as much. My behind didn't feel all jiggly. Most of all, I felt better, healthier. To me, that was the most important. Out with skinny--in with healthy! Out with feeling yucky and in with feeling yummy! Life was good . . .

Where am I now . . . nearly 8 months post baby and I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight. Things have most definitely shifted, but that is to be expected and it not necessarily a negative thing. I don't stick to the "plan" above like a diet. Just suggestions, ideas, strategies for keeping me feeling good. And, best of all, with this "plan," there is no need to punish yourself if you eat a whole box or Crunch N' Munch or ignore your treadmill's pleas for attention . . . you'll survive. It's all about moderation, moving, and feeling good . . .

*Upon reading this post a fifth time I realized it was riddled with errors. I was so eager to get it out that I did a horrible job proofreading. Please forgive me . . . I think I caught most. If not, forgive me again . . . *English teacher bows head in shame*

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Weekend Update

Looking for my Idol review? Really, you are? Well, you know I wouldn't let you down! Click HERE!

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Yes, I am well aware that it is Wednesday, but seriously, it was the longest weekend ever.

First, my mom-in-law comes in for a visit. We actually brought her back here after going to MI for my niece's baptism. Our goal was to bring her back home with us and then leave for Florida for a week long vacation. Although she had a bit of the flu, she felt well enough to travel, so off we went. Unfortunately, what was thought to be a little stomach bug turned out to be serious enough to land my mom-in-law in the hospital. Nice, huh? She comes all the way here to . . . go to the hospital. In the last 15 months this woman has lost her husband, broken her hip, lost her mother, fallen down stairs and broken her wrist and bruised her back (at her mother's wake!), lost her brother-in-law, and now, a stomach bug that landed her in the hospital for over a WEEK!

After days and days of going back and forth to the hospital, we brought her home last Thursday. She rested for a couple days and then T took her back to MI. Wow. What a vacation for her . . . stinks. J and I stayed behind--I just couldn't imagine subjecting her to either six plus hours of crying or of me singing Old MacDonald. Just couldn't do it . . . As for mom-in-law's health--we still aren't sure what happened. The docs in my little town were at loss. She visits her PCP tomorrow. So, here's to hoping they find out what happened.

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My little sister, B or AB (for Angel Baby), came to visit. She was going to meet us in Florida, but you already know what happened there. She stayed for a few days and we had a blast together. Outside of the fact that she is having some "man issues," I think she enjoyed herself--she definitely laughed a lot, but then again, that is something she is never short on--laughter. (BTW: I love your laugh, B. Oh . . . JEEEEESUS! *said in sing song high voice*--I'll explain later.)

OK, funny moment . . . we were in Walmart. Little side note here . . . isn't it true that you can tell a town/city's make-up by visiting the nearest Walmart? Especially if you visit it at 11 at night? But, I digress . . . So, I make a brilliant move to use the self-checkout lane (made no sense, as I had several items and a baby in tow, but I HATE waiting in lines--one of those itty bitty annoying traits about me. As I'm checking out (AKA, using the non-user friendly touch screen that for some reason won't work with my alien fingers) and getting a little irritated that my items won't stack on the bagging area (I have to stack it because it won't sense that I bagged my item and won't let me move on . . . UGH). Anyway, the cashier in charge of all the self-checkouts comes over and starts playing with J.

J is all smiles, flirting with women, mirrors, and magazine racks. My sister is right there, so I'm perfectly OK with it. UNTIL, the checkout chick TAKES MY SON out of the cart and proceeds to walk with him over to her station. She keeps him in her lap while curious co-workers ask her if it is her grandson. She replies, "No, I just STOLE him from that lady." She points to me. I with a 103 items perilously stacked in the bagging area of the self-checkout lane. My sister is in what seems to be shock as I look over at her as if to ask, "What the hey?!?!" My sister quickly snapped into take-down mode and I was certain the she would have quickly taken said cashier out if she made an attempt to head for the door.

After bagging my items blindly . . . I had my eyes on cashier the entire time. I was smiling as if to say, "Hey, it is so OK that you are a stranger and grabbed my son without my permission." I was irritated. Beyond irritated. Now, I am a really nice person (interesting how I feel the need to point this out) and am NOT a freak about people coming up to J and talking to him, playing with him. However, grabbing him is another story. I have to go on another related tangent here . . . when J was all of two months old, a neighbor lady I had only briefly met two Halloween's prior when her daughter trick-or-treated, came over. She welcomed me to the neighborhood (I lived there for five years) and invited me to a dinner party with other neighbors (none of whom I knew). She congratulated me on the birth of J and was all geeked about getting her hands on him at the party. Well, the party was canceled. A few weeks later the lady comes over again. She chatted me up about the weather, her bad back, the rescheduling of the dinner (which still has yet to happen--and may never). She then asked to hold J. I said, "No. I really need to change him." You see, I really didn't think I had an issue with people holding J. I really didn't. The NO just came tumbling out. I felt kinda bad--she had such a hurt look on her face. She quickly said she understood and that was that. I had to add that I had been watching way too much Lifetime television and at least two or three of the films I watched had something to do with snatching babies--so, I was a little freaked out. FREAK being the operative word . . .

Back to Walmart. Something happened to the freak in me. As I made my way to grab my son back from this woman's arms, I noticed something. She had the hugest grin on her face. She handed him back to me and went on and on about being a grandmother. She was laughing and J was laughing. I was smiling. Sure she was a stranger. Sure she just grabbed my child out of the cart. Sure we were in Walmart. Sure it was weird. But, in an instant I was all calm. I chatted with her while B finished checking out. As we made our way for the door, B heard the granny cashier say, "Boy, did holding him just make my day." Hmmm . . . The freak in me smiled. BUT, the next time I go to Walmart . . . I'm putting him in a baby carrier and strapping him to my chest.

I leave you with J and his sweet potatoes . . .

So yummy! Who could resist? Oh, and I guess the baby is pretty delicious, too . . .


Saturday, March 22, 2008

Scrolling Saturday! My very first . . .

After nearly six months of blogging I feel that I can finally participate in Scrolling Saturday! Lord knows I have plenty of posts that went untouched, unread, and unnoticed. That's OK. I was dipping my feet into the proverbial blogging waters. Plus, I was figuring out this whole mommy thing so I neither had the time nor the brain power to produce any readable content (momnesia, anyone?). Now, I'm an old pro--the perfect mommy *said with pure, unadulterated sarcasm*.

This was my first post of the year. In it, I talk about change and this term I made up, tryolution--a resolution with the lot less pressure. Sort of the poor man's resolution.

So, nearly four months into the year and I have a few more tryolutions . . .
1. Become better friends with the treadmill. Take it out for a good run more than a couple times a week. It misses you. We won't even talk about the elliptical right now. It's still recovering from months of neglect.
2. Stop fixing. Let her fall. Let her experience life--the good, the bad, and the plain old icky. You've done your job as big sis. Now, just be there for her.
3. Commit to deciding once and for all whether you are going to go back to work or become a SAHM, no longer a "teacher, on leave for a year."
4. Don't be afraid of turning another year older . . . two weeks from today.

Monday, March 17, 2008

A Monday Meme and Some Bloggy Love

Before I begin, I have to thank everyone for their wonderful comments on Friday's post. The support is absolutely amazing. Because of your kindness and sincerity, I felt that I could share my story and for that I am eternally grateful. And to those of you who e-mailed me about PCOS, I'll be getting back to you soon. I'll be more than happy to share my experience with you.

As for the FLUFF--I LOVE the fluff. Fluff is the fun of life and it ain't goin' anywhere--so no worries!

On to some fun stuff!

Wow! I have been awarded with not ONE, but TWO awards from Angela at Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy! She is an amazing mom--she is an activist for children, a truly creative soul, and so incredibly kindhearted! Thanks Angela! Yippee for me. This does wonders for my little old ego . . .



I'm going to pass this on to some of my newer bloggy buddies:

Teacher Turned Mommy--Lori has one cutie and one on the way. Check out her awesome scrapbook pages.

Tulip Mom
--She is nearly to the finish line! I love reading about her experiences! She has a great 3D pick of her baby girl.

My Life as a Momma--Marmarbug really cracks me up. I know that I'll be where she is when J is 3-years-old.

Wine Please--Is this not a great title? The photos of Colleen's little ones make me melt.

The Douglas Drama--Although Lindsey is not new, I absolutely had to pass this on to her. She's been a great bloggy buddy for quite a while. I'm hoping to make a trip to Alabama just so we can grab some lunch and do some shopping :)




OK, Angela created this award for "blogs that have had me laughing so hard at times I have been in tears." Just be sure to drop Angela a line with who you awarded this to so that she knows who of you out there have a great sense of humor.

Here's my list:

Immoral Matriarch
: Oh, Maria. Her raw, real world, sarcastic, honesty with a dose of humor is what keeps me coming back.

Law School Sucks
: I dig her perspective and the fact she isn't afraid to speak her mind.

Manic Mommy: There is seldom a time when I don't laugh when visiting Manic's blog, whether she is sharing her crazy adventures misadventures or sharing her perspectives on everyday life.

My Semblance of Sanity
: From her blog header to the hairy sucker, Michelle's blog is just full of laughs!

Oh the Joys: She's a staple on many a blog roll. Read her and you'll know why. You have to check out the creepy bunny photos. They'll give you nightmares . . .

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And now for a meme, Marmarbug from My Life as a Momma, has such a great blog. She, along with her husband "Bud" are raising their little 3-year-old cutie, "Bean." I blog hopped to her site and am so glad I did!

Here goes:
What were you doing ten years ago?
I had been married for about a year and we had just moved back to Chicago. I was finishing school and working a couple part time jobs.

What were you doing one year ago?
I was basking in the bliss and undeniable fear of being pregnant. Chances are I was grading an endless stack of papers and trying to figure out how to teach my seniors Macbeth without having THEM think murderous thoughts regarding their teacher.

Name five of your favorite snacks.
I absolutely LOVE fruit. Love it. Berries especially. Edamame (soy beans), Quaker cheddar rice cakes, cereal (a staple of our household), spoonfuls of peanut better. And finally, I have an unnatural affinity for Swedish Fish.

Name five things you would do if you were a millionaire.
1. Pay off everything!
2. Go on a trip.
3. Set up J.
4. Take care of my family and friends.
5. Give a lot away to charity.

Name five things you like doing.
1. Playing with J.
2. Date night with T (consists of a rented movie, popcorn, and curling up on the couch--love it!)
3. Watching a really good movie or my favorite TV shows.
4. Blogging--posting and reading! (I had better like it considering how much I do it!)
5. Being with family and friends.

Name five things you would never wear again.
1. A string bikini (like I ever wore one in the first place)
2. Pointed toe heels (I don't care how cute they are)
3. Daisy Dukes (Nooooooooo)
4. A thong in public-- I don't care where I am or how buff my body is (which it isn't), it ain't happening--ever. I have NEVER worn this before, I just know I won't ever . . .
5. Any tight t-shirt with words like the following: cutie, honey, baby girl/bad girl, kiss (or any variation), sexy . . . Besides, most of these words are on my son's outfits or my niece's (not sexy, of course--ewww!). Another NEVER have worn and never will.

Name your five favorite "toys".
1. My lap top
2. My coffee grinder
3. My Magic Bullet (it is a BLENDER, I swear it is . . . )
4. Ipod
5. Cell

I pass this on to any of you who'd like to share a little about yourself. Just let me know if you choose to do it so I can be sure to read it!

Jamie--I'm still working on my purse! The thing is, it has turned into a diaper bag. Wait a minute, that might be a lot more interesting than a broken earring, gum wrappers, a sticky thing I can't identify, a beat up wallet, and a really old lip gloss.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Friday Fess Up

I started this blog for reasons unknown . . . I mean, I had no idea what I was going to do with it, what I would write about. I suppose that once I got it up and started that I was excited about connecting with other people and sharing my story, a bit of me and my life, with others.

Well, I've definitely met a variety of people. There are moms, teachers, executives, farmers, adventurers, writers, crafters, artists, musicians among those I have met here in the blog world. I mean, I did what I was supposed to do . . . I got a cute template, I joined some social networks, I registered with blog directories, I even got a blog reader. So, I've gone through all the motions. What I haven't done is share much about me, about who I am, which has made it difficult to truly connect. Outside of a few vague references to personal situations, I haven't said much. I mean, most of you know how I feel about American Idol, know that I was a teacher and a new mom, and that I travel to Michigan quite often. But that is probably about it.

I can't lie. I feel my posts at times are fluffy. They are safe, for the most part. I enjoy writing them, but there is no doubt writing about American Idol, favorite blogs, and the stuff I heard on the news isn't exactly digging deep. The thing is, I've been writing as if my mom, dad, grandma (even though she's long since gone), kindergarten teacher, and pastor are reading my every word. If anything, my comments on your posts probably reveal a lot more about me than what you'd read here.

Will I continue to write about these things? Sure I will. I have fun with it. But, I think I need to revisit why I am here and why I am doing this--especially if I am putting myself out there. It is about making connections, right? Exploring your thoughts, ideas and sharing them. Maybe taking little bits and pieces of your life and handing it over to others. Maybe to take time to write with a purpose. I'm an English teacher who loves words. How can I not? I may not love reading stacks of 10th grade essays, but I love those words nonetheless.

In the spirit of reconnecting with the reason I am here, how about I begin with the reason I started this blog in the first place . . . Baby J and how he came to be. It was a time I had to come face to face with who I was and who I might become . . .

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I remember sitting at the kitchen table, thumbing through an old issue of Better Homes and Gardens and making a mental wish list. I had the phone propped on my shoulder as I listened to my best friend KM of over 20 years tell me about an Oprah show she had watched about fertility. I remember thinking, "Oh, great. More from the all knowing OPRAH." KM went on and on and I listened, sort of. That is, until she informed me that I had better seriously think about having a baby now because my eggs were getting older by the second. My ovaries probably already had cobwebs forming in the deeper recesses. What? I closed my magazine. Now, I was aware of what impacts a woman's fertility, but this was the first time this conversation was directed at me. Me. KM decided after watching Oprah (boy does that woman have powers or what?) that she was going to get pregnant. Today. Right now. Well, you laugh, but I'll be darned if only weeks later I got the call. Baby on board.

Flash forward a year and both of my best friends, KM and TS, now had children. Cute, chubby little baby boys with smiles to die for. They would plop them in my lap and rave about how good I looked with them--as if they were a Prada bag or a fancy beaded necklace. I fell in love with them both (the kids, not the bag or necklace--but then again . . . ). They were adorable little critters, that was for sure. KM and TS said I was destined to be a mom because I had played such a huge part in raising Sugar Baby, Angel Baby, and Little Brother (my three younger siblings). That may have been true, but what they didn't' realize was that the dream of having a child was something that I had known for quite some time that it might not be possible.

I had years to let the news that having children might not be in the cards for me settle in. I was 19 when I found out. I still remember the day when I was brought into the ER. I had started hemorrhaging on the cool white floors of the new communications building at my university. No one was around as I sat beneath a pay phone, calling my mom (who was hundreds of miles away). A friend has just gotten out of class, saw me, tossed me (rather gently, I might add) into the car, and drove me to the hospital.

I was OK. My ovaries, not so much. A rather large cyst has burst. And, it appeared that this cyst had brothers and sisters and they had taken up residence on my ovaries. Poor little guys, er, gals.

After my night in the ER, I went to a specialist. Tests were run. More tests. A few more tests. Finally, the diagnosis came down. I had PCOS or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. How many of you knew that was coming? Unfortunately, back when the diagnosis was made for me not much was known. They just knew that women with PCOS often had severe fertility problems and often could not conceive or carry a pregnancy to term. That's what they told me. Me. As I sat on a tissue-paper laden cushion, half-dressed, only 19-years-old. What to make of this news?

To be honest. I was OK with it. I mean, I was 19. I had no plans to have a baby. At least not now. I had mid-terms. There was no way a crib would fit in my dorm room. I had a car that would never accommodate a car seat. Not only that, starting at the age of 7 I had begun my foray into motherhood. My siblings played a big (and still do) part of my life. At 19 and away at college I had finally found some independence from my duties back home. So, no baby. No problem. For now.

Flash forward. My husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We had made four moves. We had changed jobs. I went to school again. Our friends and family continued to have children. Although I put on the bravest of faces, deep inside I knew that time might be running out. I deflected questions about babies and motherhood with a litany of excuses--no childcare, no money, no room, moving/changing jobs. But deep inside I knew the truth. It would be easy to not miss something you never thought you would have in the first place.

The decision to finally start trying was rather easy. One day we just decided it was now or never. We made a decision that if it didn't happen we would be OK with it. We might consider adoption, but beyond that we made a decision NOT to pursue extensive fertility treatments.

*****This next section was taken from my pregnancy journal.*****

I really want to talk about how I found out about my pregnancy. T and I were trying for about four months. I really never thought it would happen. I still remember being told at 19 that getting pregnant would be extremely difficult if I were to ever conceive at all. I packed the thought in the back of my head—always knowing it would be a tough battle. And now, no longer having youth on my side, I was going to try to do something that was considered near impossible to begin with.

In August of 06 we officially started trying. It was definitely fun for T, but often cumbersome for me. With each NOT PREGNANT symbol on that rather vindictive test, I knew my chances would continue to diminish. With school starting, I was a little stressed, but things seemed to go OK. Then we got hit with a series of bad events. First, T’s friend Ben died in a rafting accident. While he was in a coma, we heard that T’s dad (and best friend) found something suspicious on a recent x-ray. T knew it was bad right away. I didn’t think much of it—I mean, it was T’s dad. He would outlive us all. Unfortunately, that was NOT to be the case. He had stage IV lung cancer.

SAD NEWS

T made several trips back and forth to Michigan. I went on several with him (so glad I did). We were able to spend some quality time with his dad, but I think we all knew the time would be limited. He passed away on T’s birthday, only three months after the diagnosis. Happy Birthday, T. You’ve just lost your best friend. Surprisingly, we continued to try for a child. I think there was ferocity in our attempts. Before T’s dad passed away, we held onto hope and thought (though maybe we didn’t consciously plan) that maybe we could deliver him some good news. Maybe it would be enough for him to pull though the chemo. Maybe the news of this grandchild would miraculously cure him. It didn’t happen.

Instead, it seems that our little peanut might have been conceived around the time T’s dad left us or maybe the last time we saw him alive and well over Thanksgiving. Maybe he left us a little gift. If so, thank you, Dad. I’ll miss you. A lot. Note to Baby J . . . I’ll write more about Grandpa L later—you need to know him. I’ll tell you stories that'll make you laugh, I promise.

I’M JUST A RUN ON SENTENCE

I realized that I completely missed my period in December and there were no signs of it appearing in January. I figured STRESS. I was devastated by my own loss of T’s dad but even more heartbroken over T’s loss. He should have his dad—I thought nearly every day. Still, not a day goes by that I don’t choke up and miss him.

With my medical history, the PA at my OB/GYN's office said to come back in January if we hadn't conceived. I scheduled an appointment with the PA on January 4th. We chatted about my difficulty conceiving and the two really irritating NEGATIVE pregnancy tests I had taken in December. I told her I thought it was really rude how they turned to negative so quickly. Why couldn’t they wait the 2 minutes and then let me down? Anyway, she gave me temperature charts, pamphlets on fertility, fertility drug information, a prescription for glucophage to help regulate my periods. I was overwhelmed. All I could think about was all the grading and lesson plans I had to do. At that moment I decided I would wait. I just didn’t feel I would have it in me to do the school stuff and keep track of my fertility. There was no way I could do it all and remain sane stay married.

The first sense of grief enveloped me. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. As we finished up our chatting she asked me again if I was certain I wasn’t pregnant. I told her emphatically that I wasn’t. She said it wouldn’t hurt to do a quick urinalysis in the lab. I said OK—resigned to seeing yet another NEGATIVE. I went to the lab, peed in my cup and sat and began to read all the fertility literature—actually, my eyes had glazed over at this point.

The lab tech came out and said, “Well, you are positive.”

Positive? “Positive I’m not pregnant, right?” I asked.

“No, positive you ARE pregnant," he replied tentatively, clearly thinking that this news might now be good news.

What? I was shocked. I asked him again and at that point I realized why I hadn’t had my period. Duh.

After leaving the office right after hearing the results (I was supposed to stay and maybe schedule my first app.), I tried desperately to call T. No answer. My senses came back and after driving out of the parking lot, I turned around and went back to the office. I told Amy my PA and she as thrilled for me. I scheduled my first OB appointment—OB. I was now an OB patient. Meaning, I was going to have a baby.

Me.

I was going to be a MOM.

As many times as I said it, I still didn’t believe it. I still don’t believe it. Being that I am growing a belly and have had four ultrasounds by now—I still don’t believe it. Little peanut might be kicking soon. Maybe that’ll make it more real.

I told T in Sears. How nice. We are engaged in front of a Baskin Robbins and I tell him he’s going to be a daddy in Sears. How romantic. We both handled it with reserved, cautiously optimistic joy. We’ve pretty much kept the same attitude since.

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This is where the journal entry ends. J is now 7 months old. Although there are times I wish I would've had the guts to try for him years ago, I know that he is meant to be here now. I wish his grandpa could see him. Then again, not a day goes by that I don't believe that as he entered heaven (he would laugh at me saying he entered heaven) he saw little J and sent him down to us.

Thank you for reading . . .

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Thursday Thirteen: Bloggy Buddy Mentions



OK. This post is dedicated to my bloggy buddies. I have been so behind on posting (except for AI) and slow to comment. I love commenting and as many of you notice, my comments tend to be a little wordy rather thoughtful.

Anyway, as I've been commenting I've noticed a lot is happening with so many of you. So, I've decided to dedicate this post to bloggy buds in a Thursday Thirteen (great idea CHUCK!). Here goes:

1. Allie's Musings! I know a PUBLISHED author. Allie now has her book, One Night in Boston for sale on AMAZON. How cool is that?!

2. Choosing My Own! You all have to sneak a peak in Jamie's purse. I can't lie. Everyone needs a purple purse monster. Everyone. (Note to Jamie--I'm getting to it. I promise!)

3. Classy Chaos! OK, many of you are fans. But can I just say that I feel for OhMommy (many of you will, too!) Our little guy is, *gulp* still. In. Our. Bed. We keep SAYING it is done, but why does he end up there every. Single. Night? Before you comment, I am clearly aware that this is MY fault. Blame accepted. But he's just so cuddly . . .

4. Every Day with The Kellys! How many of you have had issues with shopping CARTS! I swear, sometimes I just want to take it out back and give it a good talking to! I am a MAGNET for crappy carts! Oh, Amy, we could go on a cart crusade!

5. I Invented Motherhood! OK. So how many of you fight over the radio with your dear hubby? Karen wrote this SO TRUE post. I myself am subjected to hours and hours of Abba and the Bee Gees. I like 'em. I swear I do. But 6 hours of Dancing Queen is enough already!

6. Immoral Matriarch! Um. Do you have a breastfeeding story? Well, whether you do or not, you gotta read Maria's. She is my personal hero . . . seriously, bf is a tough, tough job! This is one amazing journey with which many of us can relate.

7. Kami's Khlopchyk! How many of you go through that "should I chop it off or leave it long" dilemma? Well, check out Kami's . . . I think she is adorable either way! Although this is Monday's post, I had to refer to it because it was about HAIR. And we all know how important that is. Mine is short. It may never be long ever, ever again. I grow it for a month, then chop it. Grow. Then chop. It certainly isn't going to grow with this approach . . .

8. Law School Sucks! This Hot Momma had her first foray into Mommy and Me class and had some pretty hilarious results. I live in an area where classes for mommy and baby are few and far between. Unless a visit to the waiting room at the doctor's office where your son becomes the center of attention while he plays, giggles, grunts, turns red, and poops. All the other moms looked away and giggled. This happened yesterday. It might not be a "class" per se, but I sure learned a lot.

9. Motherhood for Dummies! Wow, does this mommy rock! She has so many fabulous ideas on her blog. She is the idea goddess in my book! From ways to save money on date night to what to do with those formula cans. She is also hosting a giveaway! Oh, and check out her cutie pie baby!!!

10. Teacher Turned Mommy! I just adore her and her amazing scrapbooking ability! She is a relatively new mommy with another one on the way! Right now, cutie pie Blake is seeking attention. I write this as J is practicing using his voice. Screams. Coos. Goos. Gaas. Poos (oh, we all know what sound that is!).

11. My Semblance of Sanity! Oh, you have got to check out Michelle's pics that "only a mommy would take." They are awesome. Really makes you yearn for a hairy sucker. Don't ask. Just go look for yourself.

12. Chronicles of a SAHM! OK, so the fabulous designer of my fabulous blog is going through her closet. She has some rather rad (yeah, I said rad) finds. From jeans with animal prints and flames to Justin Timberlake t-shirt. Now come on, with just that alone can you tell this mom rocks?

13. Random Thoughts! Pam (another teacher, like me!)has a new look from that fabulous designer (see #12) and it looks awesome! She and her family also need some positive thoughts and prayers sent their way so that hubby lands a great job!

Oh, so many awesome blogs and so little time (or shall I say numbers?) . . .

Happy Thursday!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Mix of Randomness and Sweet Potatoes

We went to MI this weekend and are preparing to head to Florida for about a week. I'm excited about all the new experiences he's about to have. The sand, the ocean, the fish, the bikini clad coeds . . . yeah, it will be spring break for a lot of students. What were we thinking? Oh well . . .

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Yet another powerful, high-profile man has been caught with his pants down. Eliot Spitzer, the governor of NY, was busted in a prostitution ring. You know, crazy as it may seem, these stories become less and less surprising. What is irritating beyond belief is that he was supposedly the crusader for morality and ethics. Hmmm . . . A lot of the pundits have been discussing his wife. She was glued to his side through all the press conferences. Glued. Do we believe that she is supporting him? I don't. I think she is buying time. I think her lawyer is on speed dial and she is just waiting for the media to calm down. I could be wrong, but it appears there is little reason to stay--she's smart, independent and their children are older. Even in her silence she does not strike me as a woman who would allow anyone to make a fool of her.

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Oooohhh. Politics is getting sticky! And so entertaining! Michigan and Florida may get a chance to vote again! Wow. I'm not so sure it would go Hillary's way, though it appears she believes it will. Oh, and what's this with Hillary saying that Barack would make an excellent running mate? OK, so this along with the Spitzer scandal is making Democrats front and center. The Republicans are sitting back and breathing a sigh of relief . . . for now.

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Do you watch The View? It drives me so nuts that I can't help but watch. They pretty much all annoy me, I can't lie. Some days I can't stand Joy (usually that is most days) because she seems so darned bitter and spews a lot of venom. Other days Whoopie seems to get on a moral high horse and can be overly condescending. Elizabeth has been labeled the great defender of the Conservative party which tends to color her comments and make her fodder for Joy and the crew. That leaves Sherri Shepherd. I like her. I wasn't so sure early on, but she seems genuinely nice and funny. I also like how she tries to remain true to her beliefs without spewing venom (like Joy). I love how she pokes fun at herself and is so honest about who she was/is.

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Do any of you watch Beauty and the Geek? I don't, but apparently they turned the beauties into geeks. According to the AFTER shots, a geek dresses poorly (OK, that I can buy), but a geek also is overweight, has bad skin, horrific personal care habits, and it just plain unattractive. This sorta bugged me. It isn't "amusing" it is just plain irritating . . . what message does this send? OK, I'll jump off my high horse now . . .

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J is now 7 months (as of yesterday). His weight puts him in the 5th percentile, but the pediatrician said that he is developing well (He's in the 25th percentile on everything else). He is sitting well on his own. He's babbling. He's laughing. He's loving his solid food--sweet potatoes still rocks for this little guy. BUT, he is still NOT in his crib. Yeah. You heard right. We have been back and forth to MI nearly every few weeks since J was born. Our schedule is disrupted ALL the time. I'm hoping no more trips after our return from Florida. Poor guy is getting more used to his car seat than his crib!

I leave you with this little video clip. J LOVES sweet potatoes. Loves them. As for green beans . . well, you be the judge. Enjoy!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Finally! MOMNESIA!

Did you hear? Did you read? Did you? Did you? It is BIG news.

READ THIS: Babies can cause 'momnesia'

What is momnesia? "the mental fuzziness and memory lapses that set in shortly after childbirth"

It was on TV. It must be true. PLUS, there is medical evidence. Proof that hormones really wack us out. This is great news. I have printed out the article on colored paper, laminated it, and taped it to my fridge. I also put it next to the bed. On the mirror by hubby's sink. In his car--passenger's side. In his underwear drawer . . .


I'm not an idiot. I'm not a drooling, stumbling moron. I'm not flighty or flaky for that matter. I'm not a space cadet. I'm not a scatterbrained ditz. I'm just a mom suffering from momnesia! Yeah!!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

First Heartbreak . . . Do you remember?

Tear-stained pillows. Heart feeling as if it were filled with lead. Your eyes constantly wet with new tears and crusty with old ones. Your soul is broken. Your body feels heavy. "You'll get over it," they say as you tell, no, cry them the story. They take you to lunch. They have a "ceremony" to get rid of all things that remind you of him. They give you a sweet card. Time passes . . .

But, the tears still come. The pain still lingers . . . in every fiber of who you once thought you were. "Why am I letting this upset me? Hurt me? Aren't I better than this? Stronger than this?" The questions occupy nearly every space in your brain. But, the big one, the one that takes up your entire heart is, "Why doesn't he love me?"

Do you remember your first heartbreak? It stinks. It sucks the life right out of you. You are forever changed when you realize that your heart if vulnerable. You might not be able to see the scars, but they are there. For the most part, we learn from it. We grow from it. We become better, stronger, and smarter because of it. But, it is hard to think that way when you are in the middle of it.

Her name is RJTrue. She's a newer blogger. She has an amazing way with words. Most of all, she has an amazing way of expressing herself--her true self (thus the name). Her heart is broken.

She knows that this is just a guy and he's a jerk and she should just get over it. She knows that there are people who have been and are going through so much more than she. However, how many of us have tried to rationalize the heartbreak out of us only to have it plant itself firmly inside our soul? Well, that's where she is.

She's young. She's made an incredibly bold decision to move, by herself to a new city. She desperately is trying to follow her dreams. But now . . . this. The heartbreak.

This is a call to action for all my blogging buddies. Can you drop by What a Girl's Gotta Do, RJTrue's blog and give her some support? Share your heartbreak story. Give her some advice? Have an old heartbreak remedy from granny? Let's show her some love so she can get through this moment in her life that each of us probably know all to well.

Let's heal a heart, people!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Monday Mission: This is a message from . . .

A voice mail message(s). This mission is tied directly to yesterday's post about My First Crush.

4:30 PM
Beep: Hi, um, this is Laski. I was wondering if you would like to maybe meet for dinner. Denny's would be cool. Um, or White Castle. We don't even have to have dinner, we could have lunch, if you don't like dinner. I mean, it is totally cool if you don't like dinner, lunch is usually pretty good and I know a few places that serve lunch. I mean, they serve dinner, too, but their lunches are pretty good. Anyway, I just figure you might be hungry and, wait, not that you are always hungry and that you need me to eat lunch with you, just that by chance if you are hungry, maybe you would want to eat lunch with me. Yeah, so, um, if you want to have dinner, I mean lunch or whatever, dinner, lunch, doesn't matter, you can call me at 555-2221. I'll be waiting. I mean, not waiting for the call, but you know, I'll be busy, but I'll keep the phone nearby. Whatever, just, like, call when you get a chance. Oh, um, if you want breakfast, we could always do that, whatever you want. Wherever. Just let me know. Bye. See ya. Bye. *giggle*

4:34 PM
Beep: Um, Hi, Stallion, it's Laski again. I was just thinking. Um. Would you maybe want to see a movie instead? I have a gift card and it would probably . . . wait, there's only a dollar on it . . . hey, that would make our popcorn even cheaper! Not that you want popcorn. Candy is totally cool. We could get some Swedish Fish or maybe some . . . oh, maybe you like nachos. Nachos are awesome. I mean the prices are bogus, but, wait, I don't want you to think you have to pay. I mean, I'm a girl of the 90's and I totally have my own money. Not that you don't have money, 'cause I'm sure you do 'cause you are all smart and stuff and I know you have a job [I know this because I am a STALKER]. . . um . . . CLICK

4:38
BEEP: I think your machine cut me off, um, it's Laski. Again. Anyway . . . I think there is a Meg Ryan film playing and maybe you would like to meet up at the theater and . . . um, that is if you are into romantic comedies. I mean, I don't really care. I like romance, but comedies are totally cool. Or, maybe action adventure. That would be fine. I know I'm a girl and all, but I'm totally into seeing stuff get blown up. Wait, that doesn't mean I'm violent or anything, I just figure you might be into that sort of thing. Um, don't take that the wrong way, what I meant to say was that as a guy you might find stuff getting blown up more interesting than some of the mushy romantic stuff. I mean, not that all romantic stuff is mushy, it it just that I know that sometimes . . . you know, there is a Disney cartoon . . . maybe we could just see that.

4:44 PM
Beep: Hey, Stallion. It's me. Again. Listen, if you aren't hungry or if you don't want to catch a movie, we would maybe meet at the mall and just hang out. I mean, not that you don't have better things to do or anything, but it might be fun to just window shop. Um, I'm not saying you don't have the money to buy anything, duh, of course you do, I'm just saying you don't have to shop unless you need new t-shirts or something. I mean, your t-shirts are totally cool and you really don't need any new ones. We could stop by the record store and check out some new tunes . . . I'm really loving the new U2. Oh, yeah, wait, you um, like rap. Rap is totally cool. I mean, I USED to like U2, but I am getting way into rap and stuff. Rap is awesome. MC Hammer, he like, um, like, bitchin' . So, if you want to meet, um, call me and we can you know, meet up.

This is why a very uncool fifteen-year-old girl should NEVER ask her crush out on a date. These messages are BASED on truth . . . To be quite honest, what actually happened is far, far worse. Poor, poor fifteen-year-old me . . .

This post is in participation with Monday Missions sponsored by Painted Maypole. Today's mission is to post as a voicemail message. Head on over to PM's to see more Monday Missions.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

My First Crush

I'm sitting here watching an old Lifetime movie while T and J nap in the rocking chair. What a perfect afternoon. And, the perfect time to catch up on a meme.

Lori from Teacher Turned Mommy tagged me for 7 things about me (NOTE--I decided to focus this one on a specific situation--first crush, since I'm thinking/hoping to get tagged for this meme again!):

1. I had a killer crush on a guy (nicknamed "Italian Stallion"--I know, lame, but I was 14). He was a bodybuilder, rode a cool motorcycle, and hung out with a group that included the school "studs"--I use this term loosely, and this chubby, nerdy guy (he didn't quite fit with the rest of them--he was more about hitting the books than hitting the gym). I did some crazy things to get his attention . . .

2. I pretended to love mopeds so that he'd show me how to fix them. Yeah, I said fix. I have no idea what he showed me, but I'll never forget the way his sweaty Bruce Springsteen t-shirt clung to his body.

3. I stalked him. I would ride by his house on my bike. With friends. Without friends. A few times I rode by with one of my sisters in the baby seat in back. My mom even got into it a few times when she drove by, me crouched down in the passenger seat, in her minivan. We won't even get into how many times I "called" him . . .

4. The Stallion broke my heart when he showed up at the mall holding hands with a skanky blond girl. I don't know if she as skanky or not, but when you are only 15 and your heart is broken and another girl is the cause, she can't possibly be anything else.

5. The crush died the day after prom. Why, you ask? Well, I finally got the nerve to ask him out. I was 17! Yes, the crush had already lasted three years! That is, like, forever, like, you know! Well, we went to prom together, my prom, mind you. I [parents] paid for everything, including the limo. That's OK. It was my dream. I primped for hours, no, days preparing for my dream date. He showed up in a white tux (not cool), flexing his muscles, and playing with his hair. He proceeded to make fun of my friends, dance like John Travolta on the dance floor (cool in the 70s, not so much in the 90s), and give a running commentary on the attractiveness of the other couples the rest of the night. At the end of the evening, after insulting the limo driver for not knowing how to drive, he took me to his parent's house where he proceeded to leave me in the living room with his mom--we watched The Tonight Show together, while he went and played video games in the other room. (I'm thinking I might have to post a prom pic for a Wordless Wednesday . . . )

Obviously, regardless of my pretty pink, lacy dress, sparkling earrings, perfect tousled hair, and pink pearly polished toenails, it tanked. I can't fault him. Apparently, I was in "love" with the idea of Him--the perfect Him. He was really nothing like what I thought. And, the kiss. Ick. Yuck. Nothing like what I have imagined. There was no music playing or fireworks. My heart didn't go pitter patter and my toes didn't even curl--one bit. The crush was over as fast as it had begun.

6. Stallion and I remained friendly. I attended one of his parties the following summer and met an interesting guy. He was the chubby, nerdy guy that Stallion and his stud muffin buddies hung out with. We had a great conversation about school (he was in the engineering program) and how much he really didn't seem to fit in with Stallion and his buddies. Now, this chubby, nerdy guy was no longer chubby. He wasn't really nerdy, either--though smart (valedictorian, Merit scholar, Presidential scholar--good grief!). Quite honestly, I thought he was pretty darned good looking.

7. About a year later I met Stallion's girlfriend, Natalie, and we became the best of friends (one of the best things to come of that crush!). He hated it (turns out he had a nasty ego problem), especially since we shared stories about him (none that were all that flattering). She wanted us to go out as couples, but I had sworn off dating. She persisted and asked if there were any of Stallion's friends that I liked enough to go with "as friends." I said NO, thinking of all of Stallion's "studly" friends. BUT, then I quickly remembered the formerly chubby, intelligent guy I met at his party a year ago. Natalie set it up and within weeks I officially met T . . . we dated for four years . . . we got married . . . we had little J. Funny how things work out, huh?

I guess the moped lesson, the time spend stalking, and the wasted pink pearly polish were worth it after all!

Feel free to take this modified meme and share your first crush stories . . .

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