Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Mantra of the Fearless

Memories of me . . .

The toddler, clad in nothing but a cloth diaper, is spinning circles in the middle of the yard. There is neither a hint of worry nor fear in her deep blue eyes. Her wide two-toothed grin only reveals the promise of what is yet to come.

A girl, her long black hair cascading around her, is running . . . pulling at the air above her and yanking it down. Other children stare and laugh as they huddle close to watch the strange girl whirl her body around the playground. She wants desperately to fly. Undaunted, she thinks nothing of the true weight of her old yard sale shoes on her feet or the torn and stained dress that she wears. She has a sky to conquer and a universe to explore.

The young woman is alone with her thoughts, whispers of her dreams still hang heavy in the air. She looks lost, but is not yet defeated. She is melancholy, but resolutely sanguine. She appears youthful, but within her eyes there is wisdom.

And the slow and steady beat of time goes on . . .

Trips never taken. Roads not traveled. Decisions never made. Doors not opened.

The fearless faded away. The "I can do anything" was replaced with a cool pragmatism beset with self-doubt. The "I can conquer the world" was replaced with the gentle shake of a head and the slow curling of a patronizing smile. The "I can be whatever I want" was replaced by the limits of class and reality of vacant bank accounts.

She learned to be content. She learned to just be. And life was good.

Until. She learned to be fearless. Again. Which comes much easier once you've realized you've been tasked with caring for another human being . . . nurturing their soul, building their path, unlocking their mind, and comforting their heart.

And also changing a diaper, balancing a checkbook, baking a cake and painting your nails all at the same time (which in no way can I actually do, but example is for effect).

You made her fearless . . . you gave her no choice.


She will not let another dream fade away, another goal go unreached, another door slam shut.

Never again. Like the bold toddler, the adventurous girl and the brave young woman she will reach up, reach out, and be fearless.

Fearless because of you.

Fearless, for you . . .

40 comments:

Zoeyjane said...

That is one damn good 'you caught me, red-handed' face. Expect to see it often in about 11 years :P

(you CAN hear me applauding, right?)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I love the way you wrote this. It's amazing what becoming a mother does to us, isn't it? I think it's why the bond with the firstborn is different. Not more special or anything necessarily, but different. They teach you so much, you both learn and experience things together. It's a beautiful thing!

womaninawindow said...

Here, here! (banging on desk)

And that child's eyes are criminal. They go right to the soul don't they. She reminds me of my own little bald headed soul reader who is now eight.

(I think I believe more now than I ever did. What a gift!)

Pam said...

look at those amazing blue eyes!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

From melancholy to pragmatic to contentment to fearlessness. That is a road well traveled.

Lori said...

it's amazing what we learn from our kids and what we will do for them and because of them

Tracey said...

Lovely, girl. Rock on.

A Buns Life said...

So amazing.....

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Very nice--and they do change you, don't they?

Rachel H. said...

you always express yourself SO well! Thanks for yet another amazing post!

bessie.viola said...

This is beautiful. And so true. You've expressed this in a way I haven't yet been able to - since having my daughter, I know now that all dreams are to be chased. Otherwise, they'll only be "might have beens" that she'll hear me lament.

And I never want her to hear me lament my life. I want her to see fulfillment and know that she can have the same.

Great post.

Nap Warden said...

You go girl!

Blessings From Above said...

This is an amazing, beautiful post!

Kori said...

I think this is one of the best-written explanations for what happens to us when we become mothers that I have ever read. It put into words a few of the things I have thought but been completely unable to articulate. Thank you so much!

Pregnantly Plump said...

Very sweet post! And I love the picture!

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

They really do help you overcome many obstacles. And, you have no clue what you are getting into until they arrive. I'm so proud of you and your optimism.

Casey said...

Great post. And look at that cute kid and his "I didn't do it" face. It's great how kids inspire you to be bold and fearless at times.

Momo Fali said...

You GO girl!!!

Kami said...

That picture of J is fabulous! Those eyes are melting my heart :-)

That was fantastic writing too...words to live by.

Stacie said...

beautiful post...amazing!

Mamasphere said...

That was a wonderful read. If I can make my daughter fearless, my job is done.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Isn't it great how wanting things for our children help to us realize the things we want for ourselves?

Great piece!

Eve Grey said...

Your son is truly one of the luckiest children in the world.

Lori said...

You have an amazing way with words! That picture is gorgeous too - love those eyes!

Momisodes said...

So beautifully written. I am in awe of your words and ability to express the transformation so many of us undergo as mothers. Thank you :)

Denise said...

Very, Very Nice! From one melancholy, sanguine girl to another....BRAVO!!

KATE said...

Beautiful! Everything about it, written, picture, thoughts, all beautiful!

Jonny's Mommy said...

This is an awesome, great, wonderful post and soooo true. I just loved this post and wanted to comment last night, but my little one woke up and I fell asleep and...well, there you go.'


Awesome post.

Kathryn said...

Awesome. Love it.

LceeL said...

As a father, I so envy the bond between mother and child. We get them second. And we can never, ever be as close as a mother can, to her child.

Don Mills Diva said...

Hurrah!

*standing ovation*

Tara R. said...

fearless... brilliant. This was beautiful!

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

DAMN SKIPPY this was good. This was REALLLLLY good.

And I agree, motherhood gives us strength we didn't know we even had.

Bravo!

Lisa said...

beautiful...and what a picture :)

CC said...

That face!!! Just love it!

krissy said...

Oh my. That kept me...yes blabber mouth, big lipped me.....lost of words.

That was writing with such greatness. Such depth. Such intensity. Such talent.

Wow.

April said...

Just gorgeous!!

ConverseMomma said...

This is the you becoming. This is your goldenrod.

You are a blessing. Did anyone ever tell you that?

Colleen said...

dude...are you done making me cry?

abby p said...

How did I miss this post!

This is truly amazing. And, it makes so much sense. Especially now.

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