Saturday, August 23, 2008

You Can't Beat Me

Sweat dripping down my back. My hair, wet and matted to my forehead. Grabbing for each and every breath. My muscles straining with each footfall. The heat of the sun burning the back of my neck. My hands wet under the grip of the handle.

I tell myself I'll run to the next bush. The gaggle of geese. The light pole. The group of elderly men who laugh and joke as they make their way around the track. I am desperate to stop. But, I can't quit . . .

Then I see her. She has the jogging stroller I saw in an issue of hip and cool baby gear must haves. Her shorts are snug against her near-perfect body, her sunglasses no doubt are designer, her shoes probably custom fit.

Me. Old high school t-shirt (from the school where I formerly taught), baggy ten-year-old shorts, $1.99 sunglasses, and a jogging stroller that boasts affordability over style.

I will not stop running until she does.

And I don't.

The sweat drips.

The muscles scream in agony.

The sun sears my body.

The smell . . .

Uh oh.

Poop.

Crap (literally). Now I HAVE to stop running. I mean, J needs me to change his dirty diaper. If his diaper weren't begging for a change I would have run at least five more miles. Undoubtedly.

I make a show of smelling him. Shaking my head as I reach for the diaper bag.

I hope she's watching. I hope she knows I would have never, ever stopped unless my child needed me.

As I head for the restrooms I mumble under my breath . . .

"Thank you, J. Mommy adores a poopy diaper." Especially when Olympic wannabe mommy is hot, sweaty, sore, burned, exhausted and in desperate need to save face.


Until tomorrow, sweet jogging stroller . . . until tomorrow.

53 comments:

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

YOu might want to start carrying an extra dirty diaper around with you, just in case, SHE is on the trail next time, too.

KEEP BELIEVING

Lori said...

ahhhh saved by the dirty diaper! bet you never thought you'd feel that way about a diaper

Angela said...

LOL!!! You're a better woman than me...I am the type to sit down next to a place where people run and eat ice cream. :)

Mr Lady said...

That is a GOOD boy. Auntie Mr Lady is proud. And you totally could've smoked her ass, I know it.

PS: Wanna come try Tai Kwon Do with me? Talk about SWEAT.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

What is with those women?!

April said...

For all you do for J, it's about time J did something for you :)

Stella said...

I thought for sure it was your poop and for a moment I was embarrassed for you!

Then I was happy for you because your child came in clutch! YAY J!!!

Anonymous said...

Loved the post! I miss the little man. We need to get together for another WALK soon.

"Carrie"

Immoral Matriarch said...

LOL!!!!
You're amazing.

tommie said...

Oh to be needed by the babe!

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

You never thought you'd be thankful for poop, didya? LOL

Sandy C. said...

Hehe, who knew poop would get you out of crap.

Kudos to you for hitting the pavement though!

Veggie Mom said...

Oh, gosh, what a story! Well, good for you--at least you got out and gave it the Old College Try, right? Looks like J. really does like his stroller!

beth said...

I don't care what your stroller or sunglasses looked like- jogging with baby? Impressive.

Karen MEG said...

You brave, brave girl!!! I cannot jog, run ... I'd pass out. Seriously.

Kudos to the boy for his saving poop!

Zoeyjane said...

Part of the reason that I haven't started running is that I know I'll be feeling the need to compete with the other moms in my neighbourhood - with their running shorts, expensive strollers and designer shades. I'd be wearing boxers, the cheapest stroller I could buy and going sans shades. I'd kill myself with pride.

Tracey said...

Angie has a brilliant plan!

FYI, I can vividly remember hoisting Justin to my shoulder for the last time... he was almost as tall as I am and dead asleep. :(

lattemommy said...

Wow, that little boy has it all! Incredibly cute, smart, and an impeccable sense of timing! :)

Pregnantly Plump said...

Go dirty diaper! It's very impressive that you're out there running. We walk a lot, but I don't run. I can blame the heat, but no, it's really just my laziness.

painted maypole said...

he he he

a little friendly competition, eh?

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

If you're getting a new stroller, wanna get me an Orbit?

MamaGeek said...

Why do they have to crap at the most opportune times?

I feel ya.

Jonny's Mommy said...

That, my dear, is hilarious!

I love it! I'd be praying for a dirty diaper too.

Bet that lady wouldn't have that problem. Her kid's poop "probably don't stink..." ha..right.

hang in there and do the best you can, not what others do!

Carol said...

Well never has a poop been more acceptable.

Sounds like you're doing great though and that's what is most improtant honey.

Karen said...

Wouldn't you know that your track is owned by Olympic Woman herself? Thank goodness for crap.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Good for you for working it so hard. Yay J-man for coming to mommy's rescue!

Stacie said...

thank goodness for blessings in disguise! ;)

Kori said...

Not only would I be alongside the commenter above eating ice cream, but I sould probably be smoking, too, and making fun of the designer mom. I just knwo you would have totally kicked her butt were it not for J. And thank heavens for J!

gina said...

lol. who would have guessed there would come a day in your life when you loved a crappy diaper. :)

Elaine A. said...

A poopy diaper to the rescue? That's a new one for me. And I like it! Mwahahahaha!

Don Mills Diva said...

HA!

I love it. I bet she was sooo glad you finally stopped so SHE didn't have to!

Lindsey said...

Love it. You are so clever. Great post.

Baby J is seriously precious. Isn't it about time for another:)?

huddtoo said...

LOL You are so funny.

5 more undoubtedly! Take that Ms. Hot Pants!

They are motivational I guess, but BOY would I love to be that girl now and then... as I ran around the track this morning huffing and puffing because I haven't done squat in the past week! UGH!

Kudos to you for taking J for a jog!

ConverseMomma said...

LOL! Best cameo by a dirty diaper I have read yet.

Melinda Zook said...

OMG, I love it! This makes me love you even more...I could totally envision this happening. And as for the designer sunglass wearing chic, she probably bailed seconds after you went to change the diaper...

Great post!

Kami said...

You go girl! That's a great attitude but yay for J and his dirty diaper :-)

I have been following a learn to run 10k program and it's been fairly easy. It builds you up slowly but you feel like you make amazing progress. I have never been a runner but now I can run 4 miles. It's awesome!

Munchkins and Music said...

I think there is a secret race going on in all of us as we are jogging around other people! Too bad the poop stopped you! Funny post!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

good for you!! and even better that you got a delay....I don't get those anymore!

MoziEsmé said...

There are definitely benefits to having kids! Like the times I can disappear from awkward social situations because I HAVE to take care of baby . . .

Though you'd probably be one I'd be straining to keep going after if I was out jogging . . .

OHmommy said...

Saved by the diaper. Ha. I love it.

the mama bird diaries said...

Funny. I'm sure your baby's poop is way more awesome than her baby's poop anyway.

Swishy said...

I LOVE IT! That is SO something I would do.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Oh my gawd... you crack me up. Thank goodness for J!

Sons are great about bailing out their mamas. :-D

Jules said...

Yay for life's little pleasures, right? he he he.

Tranny Head said...

*snort* I have the Baby Jogger ... but most decidedly do NOT have the clingy workout gear and/or hawt toned arse.

Elfie33 said...

Don't you just wish people like that would trip over their feet and rip their too cute shorts? No..wait..that would be somthing I would do...in my not so cute shorts...maybe you could just trip her or something..LOL

Who knew poop would come in handy..LOL

Kimmylyn said...

totally saved by a stink bomb.. awesome!!!

Colleen said...

uh, you know you could've faked a dirty diaper two miles prior. I use my kids as excuses ALL the time for stuff I want to get out of and make as big a production. I'm glad I'm not the only one who lays it on thick for the benefit of a "rival" mom. :D

texasholly said...

This is very cute and I would have given up long before the dirty diaper so you have that on me...oh, and you have ANY kind of jogging stroller...oh and you jog...oh, and...

Anonymous said...

I LOVE my jogging stroller! Glad to see that J does too.

VDog said...

Is that a Jeep you're rawkin? It looks AWESOME!!

Glad you got saved by the bell...LOL

texasholly said...

I loved this post! So funny. I think we all have these days.

Thanks so much for linking!

jill jill bo bill said...

Great post! And feed him prune juice before you head out to jog. Just sayin'!

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