* * * My New Year Tryolutions * * *

Happy New Year!

Is it? Will it be? Who knows?!?!

I am trying to be optimistic. After a cranky eve, I'm revved up for a fulfilling 2008. We spent the past week or so with family--both mine and my husbands. It was an odd holiday in many ways. In a way, it was incredibly sad and surprisingly happy . . . here's why:

First, I have this "tradition" with my sisters. We go shopping on Christmas Eve (actually, it begins late on the 23rd and ends very early the 24th). We shop for last minute gifts for extended family members, pick up some odds and ends, and end up at a 24-hour restaurant for a late, late dinner or early breakfast. It is a goofy, fun, eventful time. We've been doing it for years and years. This year I had little J, so I had to head out a little late. We headed for Meijer's and started to shop. Everything started out great, but unfortunately, it didn't last. Without boring you with details or irritating myself with having to painstakingly go through them, I'll just say that times are changing. Priorities and responsibilities are shifting. I can fault anyone. I guess my thoughts are that I have a husband, a new baby, and I traveled a few hundred miles (as did one of my sisters) all the while looking forward to this night with my sisters. I get downright giddy at the thought of being with them--but it didn't turn out the way I expected, or should I say, hoped for. I just need to suck it up and expect that things will change.

Moving on, the other side of the family it dealing with the loss of its patriarch. Although he died just before Christmas last year, my father-in-law's death still looms over the family as this will be the first full holiday where we aren't all numb--we definitely feel--bitter. The SWEET part is that little J is a new addition. His presence took the sting out of seeing my father-in-law's empty stocking hanging off the fireplace mantle. I look into his little blue (I hope they stay that way) eyes and I see his grandpa. Life goes on in more ways than one.

Coming home was a treat. I have no idea what is wrong with me, but within moments of stepping in the door I wanted to tear all the Christmas stuff down. Only days ago I was so excited to turn on the lights, light the cinnamon scented candles, bake the Christmas cookies, listen to holiday music---now, I wish it would just pack itself up and head to the basement. Ugh. What is wrong with me? I guess there is just nothing sadder than Christmas decorations--the tree, the lights, the wrapping paper, the stockings . . . --up after the big ball has fallen in Time's Square. I'm a pessimist. Gosh, and I used to be so positive. Maybe post-holiday blues?

The good news! I'm not making any New Year's resolutions. Why? Because I won't disappoint myself when I break them. What will I do? I will make New Year's TRYolutions. I will TRY to be more positive, happy, organized, optimistic, healthy, wise. . .

There is so much I want to do . . . so, instead of being all resolute about it, I will just TRY . . . a little harder.

So, any TRYolutions for you?