Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Zen of Toy Extraction

Seriously, how many twist ties, plastic bolts, tape pieces and cardboard parts are needed to package a toy? I just spent the last hour freeing a half dozen smiling large-wheeled cars from their box.

A dozen ties, a half dozen plastic bolts. Hmmm. Choking hazard. Methinks . . . yes. But that doesn't seem to stop 'em.

The cars are for a toddler. The packaging is meant as torture for an unsuspecting parent who wants to desperately push cars around on the worn Berber, dodging the broken and beaten Goldfish, the discarded wooden blocks . . . with her son.

Damn toy company. Seriously, where do they think the cars are going? There's no threat of escape, trust me. I needed scissors, a small screwdriver, bolt cutters (at least I thought I did) and a lot of muscle (I've been workin' out, ya know) to pry those cars out of the box! Dare I mention the moment when the box "accidentallty" flew across the room and hit the back wall behind the couch?

"What was that?!" T yelled from upstairs.

"What?!?" I responded knowing full well that he was referring to the huge crash he just heard from the living room.

I hear him make his way down the stairs. I scramble for the bent up box, find my place next to the screwdriver just as he comes into the room.

"The crash I just heard. That sound. What was it?" He's not stupid. He knows how I am. He knows that me along with scissors, a screwdriver and a box (we won't even discuss the fate of boxes that include more than one page of directions) usually involves the shouting of unique expletives ("fudge buckets"--don't ask) and ends with something being being thrown, stepped on, kicked. One day I'll have to tell you about the shoe rack I attempted to put together. Stupid shoe rack.

"Maybe it was J?" Sure, blame the sleeping baby. Coward.

I look up at him but he is already gone.

"It was probably the wind," he says as he makes his way back upstairs. Phew. Maybe he . . .
"Um, but if by chance you decide to put together his race track, could you please just wait and let me do it. I don't think the drywall can take it."

Damn.

* * *
Some of you have e-mailed wondering where I've been. Well, you see. I (as in J) received quite a few things over the holidays. That came in boxes. With directions. And, well, let's just say I've been spending a lot of time at Home Depot picking up spackling paste. A girl likes to be prepared.

33 comments:

Threeboys1mommy said...

We used tools to OPEN (not assemble) some Christmas presents! Real screw, not plastic!

Kim said...

My fingers tips were bleeding (I am not even kidding) the morning of Christmas.. it is terrible how they package toys!!

LceeL said...

I LOVE the idea of a woman that knows how to spackle. As far as packaging is concerned - you DO know that most of this crap plastic packaging you see is because of Walmart, right?

Tracey said...

Oh dear! I had actually commented to my husband that this year, for us, was a much less stressful holiday due to the lessened amount of toys needed such security as you just wrote about. So. It DOES get better...

Also, Evan likes to help unscrew the twisties. Yayyyy...

Midwest Mom said...

Hilarious and SO true! For me, the twist ties are the worst! But what cracks me up is that all these impossible-to-extract-from-the-box toys are packaged with a big, fat arrow saying "Push here to play with me RIGHT NOW!" So your child can fall in love with it in the toy aisle and wear the battery out completely on the way to the checkout and permanently searing that idiot elmo song or canned sound-effect in your brain forevermore. Then, you STILL have to spend 35 minutes extracting it once it comes home.

Um... sorry for the rant, though. I guess you can just feel better knowing you're not alone. (Could I borrow some wire cutters, by any chance? Thanks.)
-MM

Erin said...

I feel your pain. We (and I mean my Hubby mostly) were complaining about the way toys are guarded in those boxes.
Now, we have to figure out where to put all those toys once they come out of the box!!!
It never ends...

Michelle said...

I couldn't agree more. I hate those things. I always end up with very sore, chapped hands. How many twist ties does one doll need???

Pregnantly Plump said...

I agree about all the stuff used to secure toys to boxes. It's doubly hard when your child wants that toy RIGHT NOW! And I'm also one to... erm... have scuffles with boxes.

Elaine A. said...

I think the most annoying thing is all the dang twisty ties. I cut my finger on one of them once, it was so sharp on the end. Fortunately those don't do damage to the wall... ; )

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

I know this pain all too well! You know the best method for opening toy boxes? UNCLES. I'm fairly certain that's why we have them.

justmylife said...

I really want the job of putting all that crap on the toys. Talk about job security, they never run out of that stuff! It does get better though as kids get older because they can tear up the stuff themselves. heh!

MommyTime said...

I feel your pain. Most of my spackling was done prior to the holidays, in preparation for my parents' visit. But nearly all of my toy wrestling was done on Christmas day. Good luck to you in your efforts. May the Force be with you. :)

Lori said...

It is RIDICULOUS how long it takes to free any toy from its box!! And the kids are usually waiting very impatiently for their prize! ha!

Tara R. said...

It doesn't get any better when the toys are for older kids. I have to keep a screw driver in the car just for die cast car extractions. It's crazy.

Good to see you back out and about.

Kami said...

You and me, so alike. don't get me started on transformers...just don't.

And those twisties? Take the guy who invented those and as his reward for his genius invention, he gets to spend eternity unpackaging toys for us. Seem fair, no?

flutter said...

good to see you!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I heard a rumor there going to do away with that type of packaging. I hope it's not an Urban Myth.

Trannyhead said...

I removed every single toy from every single box before Christmas. Yes, even the stuff I wrapped. I'd remove all the stupid bread tie things and then put the toy back in the box, and then wrap the box. I figured I didn't want to spend Christmas doing the 500000 hours of toy extraction. It was so miserable ... And what IS up with the ones that require special tools? I broke one toy trying to get it out of the box! When I used the tiny eyeglass screwdriver that was required, the stupid thing stopped working for unknown reasons. I was enraged.

Hyphen Mama said...

I really don't get it at all. This year Barbie's hair was sewn onto a big plastic strip. WTH? I had to cut her hair out of the plastic strip. We had to get the Jaws of Life to extract Barbie from her VW before Wynnie could even play with her!

Ridiculous.

K said...

I hate all those packages.

Seriously, take forever to break into them.

I saw something on TV that talked about how Amazon gets special, easy to open packages for their products since they aren't displayed in an actual store. It made me love them even more.

Momo Fali said...

I say, "Fudge Buckets" all the time!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I'm still missing you. And, I keep trying to lure you out - but you keep going back into hiding.

Pasifik said...

I guess you need a rest time for a while. Fill your time only for your self.

Happy blogging,

Toddler Toys|Learning Toys|Educational Toys

tommie said...

oh girlie....note to self: keep on hand= wire cutters, screwdriver (the small one), patience patience patience

Woman in a Window said...

HA! Comedic construction (and deconstruction, too.) Does that husband come with hard hat and safety glasses? You know, flying objects and all. (Some for that baby, too.)

Huckdoll said...

I hear you!

My girls went from having zero Barbies to five each and every single one of those lovely dolls and shackled into the boxes with plastic of all kinds. Twists, tapes and zap straps. Gah! Ten stupid Barbies took almost half a day to release. Was it like this when we were kids?

Karen said...

Oh how I hate those packages of packaging. Where are the days of shrink wrapping things into place?

CC said...

You've got to go with amazon's hassle free packaging. I wrote about it last month (I think). Very important.

justmylife said...

You have been tagged and given an award over at my place. Come check it out.

Flea said...

I am not allowed to comment. My children no longer receive toys in those types of packages. If they do, they open them themselves. Stupid packaging.

Momisodes said...

Oh the packaging is RIDICULOUS!!! Drives me bonkers. By the time you get the darn toy out, your kid has out grown them.

Colleen said...

sounds like my husband...any time I think he's going to do anything that may remotely annoy him, like home repairs, rewiring, and removing toys from packaging, I put on a football helmet to protect myself from flying objects. ;)

Eve Grey said...

Thought you may be amused by this (;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrap_rage

Recent Posts

There was an error in this gadget

Photo of the Week

Photo of the Week
Two Peas

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP